10 signals to identify a codependent relationship and what to do

Ideally, relationships work better when the needs of all partners are satisfied in a balanced way.However, if the balance leans too much in one direction, it is possible that it is a codependent relationship.

Therefore, experts in clinical psychology explain what the signs are to identify a codependence relationship and what to do about it.

Signals of a codependent relationship

Although codependent relationships can be difficult to identify when they are happening;The psychologist Coda Derig of the Cleveland Clinic points out that there are some signs to which attention must be paid to know if you are in a codependent relationship.

Signal 1: Feel that you need to save the other

In a codependent relationship, a couple member often assumes the role of "caregiver", so he will assume as his responsibility to solve the problems of the other and guide him.

For example, if the other, gets angry quickly, has an addiction or lives some difficulty, the "caregiver" will seek to help him, solve the problems or meet the needs, due to the excessive sense of responsibility for the behavior and emotions of the another person.

"The partner can take advantage of the excess of responsibility that the other feels and can even suggest that" it is because of him that he acts in this or that way, "says the expert.

Signal 2: want to change the other

“If a person is home, but his partner likes the life of parties and clubs, and he stays at home and hopes that he will eventually convince him that he does the same as her, or if he agrees to leave when he does not want, andHe does it with the hope that with that he will convince him to leave a party life, he may be practicing codependent behaviors, ”says the psychoanalyst.

And according to Derig, "nobody can change to a person, if it is not willing to make that change itself".

Signal 3: Not being able to do things for yourself

If a person is difficult to be motivated to do the things he would normally love to do when his partner is not present, it is a sign that he can be codependent, says the specialist.

Sign 4: Not being able to explain what it feels like

Not being able to define whether the relationship has positive or negative or feelings found by the relationship are synonymous that not enough time is being dedicated to processing their own feelings and emotions and on the contrary it is focused on the other person.

When doing this, they could be avoiding their own problems or feelings and being replaced with the emotion that simply comes from satisfying the couple, this is due according to Coda Derg, that the person is not focused on themselves and is not completely consciousof his self -esteem.

Signal 5: Feel anxiety when not being together

Check the phone every two minutes to see if the couple has communicated, feel panic and think of catastrophic scenarios during the time they are not together or communicate with the other is constantly a sign that it is dependent on the couple, since their satisfactionand happiness only gets it from the other.

Signal 6: Do not want to be alone

Not being able to be only because sometimes, "it does not feel good to sit with your own thoughts because it is easier to concentrate your attention on another person", since that way it is avoided thinking about things that "bother" orThings that are needed or should do to improve the current personal situation.

Signal 7: Cancel plans to be with the couple

Cancel plans with loved ones and friends for fear of losing the connection with the couple or prioritizing the couple over other relationships or activities is a sign of a codependent relationship, because, according to the psychologist, “when we get more and more involved in a relationship,We no longer connect with others outside the relationship ".

Signal 8: Lack of belonging in their own spaces

If their own spaces are adequate only to the taste and needs of the couple and not to the taste of both, causing sadness for being there and not feeling comfortable is a sign of codependence.

Signal 9: Feel that it is requested too much

Not saying what it feels or what is needed for fear of the reaction of the other or what may cause, feel or assume that it is too demanding even to minimal requests, feel guilty for addressing specific problems or not being sure whetherYou are right or not for feeling in such a way, they are signs that the couple maintains control of their own thoughts.

Signal 10: Inability to put healthy limits

If, by putting healthy limits to improve coexistence in the relationship, one of the members intensifies or worsens its behavior is a sure sign that the needs of the other have priority over personal.

This can lead to severe feelings of resentment or regret, creating a perpetable and endless pattern of anguish for both people.

What to do if you live a codependent relationship?

If there is a codependent relationship that is dangerous or abusive, the best, according to the expert is to seek immediate help and find a way to finish the relationship.

In case of seeking the relationship, Derig says that this will require the effort of all parties involved to happen.

What is a codependent relationship?

A codependent relationship is one in which there is a serious imbalance of power among the members.

Often, in a codependent relationship, one of the two involved can devote much more time, energy and attention to the other person, while it consciously or unconsciously takes advantage of the situation to maximize their needs and desires.

Although, experts point out that codependent behaviors are usually more common in relationships where there is a substance use disorder;The truth is that such a relationship can be had with anyone, including their boss, friends, colleagues or family.

In this type of relationship, the dynamics of power lead one of the members to put the needs and wishes of the other person, losing sight of their own values, responsibilities and needs and, ultimately, losing sight of who is oneself.

"You feel that you are really contributing something positive, especially at the beginning, but then you can become more resentful and unhappy or even lose control because no matter how hard you strive, you will never save the other person," says the expert, whosays that "in fact, it often worsens more and more".

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