"Today you were prettier than ever.""I had to contain knowing that you are married to not invite you to dinner.""What a gym body that is staying; your wife will be delighted."These messages sent by two people with other sentimental commitments are harmless?Are they just a game between two acquaintances?Playing to seduce or flirt with a partner or friend without abandoning WhatsApp or Facebook is infidelity?What separates the nonsense of tone of the most flagrant betrayal that damages and deceives?Is virtual interaction with the maintenance of the couple incompatible?
Not having the person ahead can foster the daring and make fantasy offer us a higher dose of excitation, but where is the red line?The Australian psychologist Melanie Schilling is clear, she coined the term microinfidelities to call these little contacts where physical and / or emotional interest in a third party is shown.
What is infidelity?
In our society, it seems to be by mutual that the carnal exchange with a person outside the relationship is considered to break the explicit or implicit contract of sentimental fidelity (except in open relationships or polyamor).
However, virtual possibilities have added greater ambiguity to interactions and broken the general consensus of what it is and what is not an infidelity.It is not necessary to look for the complicity of the discreet hotel, applications such as WhatsApp or Facebook, Instagram offer direct access to the "other desired" at any time and place.
According to a study by the University of Sunderland, 80% of women would consider 'sexting' (messages with high erotic content that may be accompanied by photos) as an infidelity against only 38% of men.They claim to feel equally betrayed by the complicity and emotional involvement of their classmates with another person.The novelty is the medium because it allows a proliferation of "erotic" contacts without necessarily connecting melee.
However, the term fidelity comes from the Latin word "fides" which means trust.Therefore, an infidelity would be a behavior that promotes a loss of confidence within the couple.This is subjective and depends on education and culture, but also on what colleagues.
Often, problems arise when one of them talks about their flirting as "something unimportant" while the other feels that affects the security base on which their relationship is supported and lives them as a threat.
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Virtual flirting and self -esteem
In the so -called cyber infidelity, novelty is sought, other sensations, a desire to meet a lost and longed for oneself, feel desired ("I like to like it," says Juan, who fools down with several women known in Tinder) or desired ("I get self -esteem," says Luisa, who puts eyes and affectionate emoticons to a partner) or being able to enjoy sex more intensity.
In fact Daniel H.Pink, the author of the bestseller 'When?The science of finding the precise moment, 'it points to the end of a decade represents an outstanding border between the vital stages and functions as a marker of progress in life.At 39, the 49 and 59 there is a greater possibility that someone who had not thought of having an extramarital relationship is now encouraged by starting a "television" without leaving home through the smartphone, the tablet or the computer.
Other times, what happens is that couples feel alone, they are involved in negative couple relationship models, suffer criticism from their classmates or do not receive affection.They do not know what to do about it, they feel helpless and hopeless.It happens that anyone who tells them something pleasant and is kindly attracts their attention and begins a romantic relationship between them.Applications to meet people from home intimacy are a field paid for temptations in these situations.
The concealment of these behaviors would be the main symptom: if you speak in hidden with someone and keep their number with a nickname not to show the real one is producing a microengeño (micro-cheating) to the official couple.
In therapeutic practice we have seen paradoxical cases where the couple reaches rupture when this secret is discovered without necessarily the extractional relationship has gone from the virtual phase.Once trust is betrayed in some couples things are not again as before even though they have talked about what was behind infidelity.
Fortunately, this does not have to be the case and in many cases the crisis that opens in the relationship can lead to the table aspects that had been forgotten.Microinfidelity can be a bomb in the negotiation line of the neglect and apathy that had seized classmates.
Taking into account the data, the reality is that adventures or microaventures, deception or microengaños are today more possible than ever.We can accept them with sportsmanship or cause them out of curiosity.The adventure concept itself is associated with something exciting.The daily life of microinfidelities makes them seem harmless, but as the sociologist Georg Simmel said "our modern life is based on faith in the honesty of others. If the few closest people of us linked our lives becomes intolerable."
Isabel Serrano-Rosa is a psychologist and director of enpositivosí.
According to the criteria of
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