By Olivia Jordan Cornelius
As a widow that I am I have learned that it is an instinct of the most human that people wonder these two things: how my husband died and if I have already met another person.The answers are: gallbladder cancer (a small olive -shaped organ that may not know where you have it) and yes (in fact, I am eight months pregnant with your baby).On this second part, almost everyone feels entitled to comment.Of course, almost nobody wonders about everything in the middle.I suppose that delving into that great and paralyzing penalty is too scary, exhausting and unpleasant.So when Big died in the first chapter of and Just Like That, I thought Carrie would go out again with someone in the second.However, the series postpones the theme for half season.Grants enough space to what happens between both, the chaos of duel and the harsh reality of death.It is worth Big, he received a very chic funeral, but he was still returned to Carrie's apartment, specifically his ashes in a cardboard box (and if you didn't know, that's exactly how they give them to you).
Maybe it's because I wore long hair or because I worked in a Vegan restaurant, but my husband, Cam, seems more like Samantha's Smith than Big than Big.We were together for nine years, happy and calm, he being the perfect yin for me Yang.And so, out of nowhere, he was diagnosed with a phase 4 cancer that ripped us from rennet our happy life and replaced it with rotating chemotherapy sessions.Even when I knew that Cam was dying, I wasn't able to imagine life without him.It was as if he expected a black hole to open suddenly and swallow me too.However, when he left, I stayed here, very alive, and a part of me was clear that this vivacity would take me, at some point, to love again.Even so, I have never felt more identified with Carrie than when he tells Miranda: "Honestly, the idea of not having it again is very strange, but the idea of having sex with someone other than Big stolts my stomach".When you stay widow, your love life becomes an open debate about when you should have quotes.People usually divide on two sides: it is very soon or you are already taking.There is nothing more to hear the editor of Carrie's book commenting that the memoirs of her duel need to give the readers the "ray of hope" that he will come out again with someone, as if it were his duty that others do notfeel bad with your widowhood.I toured the issue of appointments with an expert duel expert, and said: "You have to overcome one thing before getting into another".I knew that it was impossible, that I would never exceed what I had with Cam, and the ironic is that that was precisely what made me feel free to open myself to a second chapter in my life.Carrie cost six episodes and a seasonal assembly is re -be prepared to have appointments.The duel is devastating.It takes over each cell of your body.As Carrie tells an aesthetic surgeon: "My husband has recently died, that's why I have my face".Unlike Carrie, I did have a grieving face for a long time, skinny and emaciated, with a persistent eruption by stress.The appointments are always hard, but as a widow, you no longer question yourself only if that person will find you attractive or if the message will answer, but how will accept this broken version of you and the interrupted love you carry in tow.What if you really like someone and then and then and also die?
It is not surprising that Carrie chose a widower for her first date.After all, "how did your partner die?"It is a way to break the ice that unites a lot.My first date after Cam's death was not with a widower, a divorced or a stranger (and, luckily, neither he nor I vomited at the end), but with a friend who in the worst months of my life, and the lastof Cam's, he was by our side.We walked along the coast, on a route that I expressly designed to avoid a restaurant that had gone with CAM when I was sick, in which he struggled to give me a normal day but could not retain the food.That night, when my appointment took me home, we sat in his car for a couple of hours, a kind of bubble in which we jumped from talking about trivialities to philosophize about the meaning of life.There was my ray of hope...Until I opened the house door and I saw the chuck taylor de Cam in the shoemaker, where they were always, where I liked them to be.As if he were at home.We went to hiking again that week and climbing the following week.Then he returned home saturated in thinking in Cam, dealing with the blame and missing him.When you are in love with your dead husband and fall in love with another person, for you it is almost like having an adventure.Therefore, when I was with my league in a public place, I was crouched when I saw known people, I presented it as a friend or sometimes or presented it.What I had to remind myself, and I still do, is that my ability to love again is not despite CAM, but thanks to him.He did not leave in this world a hollow peel, but a heart that knows how to love and who would like to feel love again.Two years later, I still have the Chuck Taylor de Cam, next to a different door in a different house.I will continue looking for Big's albums in Carrie's apartment, her jackets thrown on her shoulders, symbols that show that, regardless of whether she started meeting people again, her love for Big has not disappeared.I will always love CAM and I will have to continue healing the wound, but my advice for Carrie is very simple: both things, overcome and have quotes, can be done at the same time.
This article was originally published in Vogue.co.UK
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