Three things to consider so as not to upset the children

There are three topics that can bother, especially teenagers. These are the tips so that parents do not fall into the error

One day our children will make the decision to live independently, but in the meantime, we want them to be happy and healthy when they are with us.

Let's see three topics that really bother them – especially if they are teenagers – and that it is better to try to avoid, if we want them to be happy and not be overwhelmed by our treatment.

first tip

1.- When they trust you to tell something that has happened to them or that worries them, for no reason do you think you have the right to divulge or disseminate it without their authorization or consent.

Trust is regularly one of the most important bulwarks in the relationship with children. If they have already dared to tell you something, the best thing you can do is take care of that information with special zeal, as if it were a confessional secret.

On the other hand, if it occurs to you to divulge it and talk about it without them knowing (behind their back), it is regularly considered a betrayal of trust, and even if they do not necessarily claim you, if they find out, what is more It is likely that they will think more than twice before telling you something again.

And this is how trust is lost, which is so important to keep the relationship alive and positive.

second tip

2.- Try not to give your opinion, if they don't ask for it.

Well, it turns out that there are many parents who feel a strong responsibility to want to give their point of view, whenever they consider it necessary.

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And the downside of the matter is that it is usually more common than it should be. Young people consider it a sermon or preaching, unsolicited and often even uncomfortable.

Children come to feel that parental judgments and criticism are too present in conversations with their parents.

Talking with the children is not an occasion to try to give lessons and instruct the children, but to welcome them with listening, understanding and ultimately with great affection and openness. On the other hand, a predisposition to teach and moralize (if, of course, the occasion and the moment do not warrant it) becomes a discomfort due to the latent feeling that chatting with parents is going to be one more moment of anger, scolding or reprimand. And the opportunity for a pleasant conversation between people who love and trust each other is lost.

It may interest you: Parents with teenage children: how to manage the diversity of thought

third tip

3.- Try to respect the spaces and private life of our children.

In short, don't be intrusive and inquire about what they do or don't do.

Many young people run away from people who are asking about personal and intimate motivations. There are parents who are so curious, and who want to know everything about their children, that they go beyond the limits of privacy, arguing that they have the right, as parents, to know everything they want about their children. In certain topics and moral aspects that involve the well-being of the person and the family, of course it is very prudent to be aware; but with the care and respect that it deserves in order not to offend or harm dignity and self-esteem.

Insistent and persecutory comments and questions can border on harassment and a way of cornering, which usually causes a lot of upset and discomfort. What it usually causes is that children prefer to get away from their parents and keep "secrets" and keep their confidences unrevealed, resorting to lies.

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I have known parents who are able to seek out close friends to investigate a matter and obtain information on the activities of a child, trying to do it behind their back. When they find out, a scandal of enormous proportions is created that deeply hurts and damages the parental relationship.

As we are observing, the three themes can help us reflect on what we have been doing up to now in our relationship with our children.

Certainly there are many ways to understand and interpret the various pedagogical and moral forms that are chosen according to one's own education and vision of life.

Considering these aspects can give us a light to improve the situation in which we find ourselves and overcome some important obstacles that we have had in our family relationships. But above all, it is worth being very consistent and congruent with the fact that it is about living in peace, in harmony, practicing affection, respect and good coexistence.

It may interest you: Four things you should know to give confidence to children

The simple formula that Pope Francis has taught us is very clear: “Listen and understand”. It is a way to get closer to our loved ones and show the true meaning of charity.

The joy and well-being of our families is an urgent priority. Everything we do to make it the most beautiful place in life, justifies any effort.

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